amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES
amazonmebitches:

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES

twerktuesday:

twerktuesday:

The only valentine I need

I took a photo of a fucking steak in the store and put it on the internet and now almost 16 thousand people have it on their blogs, I wonder whoever has this steak knows how famous it is. I bet this cow is in cow heaven wearing sunglasses and shunning the other cows because now a piece of his fucking body is on 16 thousand people’s blogs. I need to sit down for a minute.

(via robotsatthedisco)

so-humorous:

One migration
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me

dobochan:

dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me

(via ruinedchildhood)

montparnaughty:

montparnaughty:

no you dont understand
these are two separate toys that we found at the thrift store today okay
and we found out that they fit like this and it was beautiful
and then we were going up to the cashier to get our things and realized they were still like that and were separating them so that we could each purchase the one we had found and
the cashier
looked
so confused and„, distressed and horrified omg
the look on his face was like we had taken his soul and run it through a blenderim
i tried to fix it omg i was just like
"……………………..he was just…. resting"
but i dont think anything can make up for the trauma we caused.

oh my god i had literally fucking forgotten about this and then a single person reblogged this from me again, just one single person oh my god
… when did this get 87 thousand fucking notes jesus fucking christ

montparnaughty:

montparnaughty:

no you dont understand

these are two separate toys that we found at the thrift store today okay

and we found out that they fit like this and it was beautiful

and then we were going up to the cashier to get our things and realized they were still like that and were separating them so that we could each purchase the one we had found and

the cashier

looked

so confused and„, distressed and horrified omg

the look on his face was like we had taken his soul and run it through a blenderim

i tried to fix it omg i was just like

"……………………..he was just…. resting"

but i dont think anything can make up for the trauma we caused.

oh my god i had literally fucking forgotten about this and then a single person reblogged this from me again, just one single person oh my god

… when did this get 87 thousand fucking notes jesus fucking christ

(via ruinedchildhood)

greasegunburgers:

The story of Uncle Bob - Green Beret

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess”

"And what’s the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma’am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don’t f*ck with Uncle Bob when he’s been drinking."